Pastor Angel Luis Rosa

How often do we hear our spouse and still miss what they meant? Pastor Angel Luis Rosa returned with Part 2 of Maximizing Your Marriage, walking couples from the art of listening into the art of understanding — and proving his point with a hands-on exercise that had the whole room laughing and learning at the same time.

Pastor Angel Luis Rosa opened Part 2 of the Maximizing Your Marriage series by reminding the class that this teaching reaches far beyond marriage — it shapes how we communicate with family, coworkers, and each other. Drawing on nearly 40 years in ministry and family counseling, he reviewed the three areas from Part 1 — the art of interpretation, the art of listening, and the art of understanding — before going deeper into what it actually means to understand the person GOD has placed beside you.

He reminded the class that men and women often speak two different languages — men in “report” language, focused on facts and fixing problems, and women in “rapport” language, focused on connection, emotion, and shared experience. Real communication, he said, only happens when we become students of our spouse, because the person you married five or ten years ago is not the same person today. That, he said, is exactly what 1 Peter 3:7 calls husbands to do.

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding.”

1 Peter 3:7 — Read on Bible Gateway

Pastor Angel Luis Rosa was candid about how easy it is to hear without truly listening. While your partner is talking, he said, our brain is already formulating our next argument, our next defense, or our next solution — and that is not active listening. Active listening means putting the phone down, turning off the TV, and giving your full attention. Research shows that 55% of communication is nonverbal, 38% is tone, and only 7% is the actual words spoken — which is why tone alone can turn a simple sentence into an accusation.

“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

Proverbs 15:1 — Read on Bible Gateway

“Communication in a relationship is like oxygen to the body.”

— Pastor Angel Luis Rosa

Pastor Angel Luis Rosa laid out the sequence plainly: communication is the tool, listening is the bridge, and understanding is the destination. He gave the class practical language to get there — starting sentences with “I” instead of “you,” asking questions like “what is one thing I can do to improve our marriage?”, and repeating back what you heard so your spouse can confirm whether you actually understood what they meant.

To make the point unforgettable, he brought several couples to the front for a live communication exercise. One partner in each pair was shown an image on the screen while the other sat facing away, unable to see it. Using only words — shapes, lines, and positions like top, bottom, left, right, straight, or wavy — each seeing partner had to describe the image well enough for the other to draw it, with the clock running and no looking back. When the couples turned their drawings around, the room saw firsthand how much can get lost between what one person means and what the other person hears — even with something as simple as a picture, let alone a marriage.

Pastor Angel Luis Rosa reminded the class that words are never neutral. Every time you speak to your spouse, you are speaking either healing, affirmation, and safety — or criticism, bitterness, and isolation. He walked through the physiological toll of harsh words: a stress hormone releases, the heart rate spikes, muscles tense, and the logical part of the brain shuts down into fight-or-flight, which is exactly when communication stops and survival mode takes over.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Proverbs 18:21 — Read on Bible Gateway

GOD, he said, already anticipated this struggle. James 1:19 gives the instruction: be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Self-control, he explained, is a fruit of the SPIRIT precisely because it takes work to dial back a reaction in the heat of the moment. A couple who is united, he added, is a threat to the kingdom of darkness — which is exactly why the enemy works so hard to fracture communication in the home.

“A couple together united is a threat to the kingdom of Satan.”

— Pastor Angel Luis Rosa

Pastor Angel Luis Rosa closed by tying the lesson back to the bigger picture: as the couples and families of the church go, so goes the church. Becoming a student of your spouse, dwelling with them in understanding, and choosing words that build up instead of tear down is not just good advice — it is part of walking in the unity GOD calls HIS church to. Part 3 of the series continues next Tuesday, covering GOD’s order for marriage.

Watch the Full Teaching

Hear Pastor Angel Luis Rosa teach The Art of Understanding — Part 2 live at The Gathering Church Bible Course — September 1, 2026.

Reflect & Respond

The last time you and your spouse misunderstood each other, was it about the words — or the tone underneath them?